A Trip To Martinsell Hill (Flashback Friday)

Last Friday I wrote about how it would have been my recently deceased Na's 87th birthday and that to commemorate this we would be scattering his ashes at his favourite walking spot, Martinsell Hill near Pewsey in Wiltshre.

I found out last Friday while I was in the company of my Mum, Step Dad, Nanny, brother and Uncle that it was often mentioned by Na that he wished this spot to be his final resting place, which I had not been aware of prior to our trip there last week. 

It was overcast and freezing cold with a bitterly cold wind, not what you would expect the weather to be like for May! The actual walk to the top of the hill was not as far nor did it take as long as I was expecting

the lone tree right at the very top on the left, that was where we walked 

We each took a turn at scattering some ashes (although with the strong wind it was hard to do this without getting it over someone as I did when it was my turn on my poor Uncle!) and think about Na. The view from the top was stunning despite the cloudy sky - I understood immediately why it was my Na's favourite spot.

As I stood there, I envisaged my Na as a young boy climbing up the hill dressed in short trousers and looking over those green and yellow fields laid out before him as I was, and taking it all in and feeling alive. Maybe he climbed that tree and would sit on its branches and feel the warm sunshine on his face and daydream. He still had his whole life ahead of him: still to serve in the army, still to meet my Nanny, have my Mum and Uncle and have his grandchildren and later still his great grandchildren. A young boy with no cares in the world really - how I envy that boy because life back then was so much simpler and innocent.  

We had packed a picnic to enjoy at the top of Martinsell Hill but Nanny suggested that we went back to her house a short drive away where we would be warm and there would be a kettle for cups of tea! I walked back down the hill with Nanny back to the cars, and bless her she told me that she was just so relieved that that Na's wishes had now been  met and completed as it had been hanging over her all this time and now she could try to move on (a little bit). Poor Nanny it must be so hard on her after almost 60 odd years of being with someone to be all alone. I find it hard to discuss this with her so I just nodded and put my arm around hers. Being my kind hearted Nanny, she smiled and thanked me for making the effort to come because it meant so much to her. 

While the ashes were being scattered she and my Uncle cried. But I didn't. I couldn't. I was the same when he died and at his funeral and I cannot understand why because normally I am such an emotional person and can cry at anything, and when I say anything I am referring to books, films and TV shows. Yet I am unable to grieve for my Na which I just find strange. Mum is the same she says she hasn't been able to either. I know it doesn't matter and everyone is different and it does not mean I didn't love him, its just I find it odd that I cannot cry for the loss of my Na.

 I did find out some family history last Friday, things which I had never heard of before and I am going to blog this while I remember it so that I can tell the boys when they are older ,as I will be too, and I may forget the details! But I will leave this for another Flashback Friday :)

This post was brought to you as part of Flashback Friday

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Remember a flashback can be from any time whether it be yesterday, last week, last month, last year or yesteryear! It can be a flashback of your own, your children, your partner or your friends. And if you don't want to write a post, then just link up a photo with a date. If you don't have time to write a new post