How Not To Be A Yummy Mummy

Ok so I have a question for you. 

Do you wish you were a yummy mummy? 

Maybe you actually are one of these mythical creatures that many yearn to look like. 

My idea of a yummy mummy is the type of woman who dresses immaculately in trendy or designer clothes; she wears ugg boots; her hair is clean and looks like its just been styled by a hairdresser, she is of slim or slight build and has a shoulder bag which is in keeping with her lifestyle and outfit. And to top it off she looks amazing I mean really amazing, a figure which looks like it never gave birth, no dark circles under her eyes, make up just so and just well yummy mummy!!

Now I am not saying that these yummy mummy types dont have hang ups of their own, I am sure they do but to us non yummy types they do seem like a very idealistic vision of an appearance we may feel we want to aim towards having ourselves. Or at least marvel at how the hell they manage to look like they do when they have children!

Well, I will never be a yummy mummy, I find it an unrealistic image to uphold and maintain day in and day out with two little ones.

So let me present to you with my guide on how not to be a yummy mummy:

Don't bother making your hair look nice because before you know it it will be covered in one or more of the following:

• Snot
• Sick
• Dribble
• Breast milk (if breast feeding)
• Toothpaste (my own doing!)

Solution? Tie hair up? Or better still get it cut shorter although this won't protect it completely! Maybe a rain hat would be a good idea?!

You could invest in some marvellous cover up cream for under your eyes to make those dark circles/ bags appear less intrusive on ones's face, but what's the point when you are suffering from sleep deprivation owing to one or more of the following:

• Newborn keeping you up all hours
• Teething child
• Poorly child
• Twitter (again my own doing!)

No amount of eye treatments will stop those things from occurring!

Wear something already covered in stains - afterall within half an hour anything clean on would look like yesterday's dirty washing anyway

Don't bother shaving your leg hair too often,  embrace the fuzziness! Shaving takes time and it isn't always a priority. Besides, it's an extra layer of natural body warmth ! Obviously this becomes tricker once the warmer weather appears , best thing is to not wear anything short!

Don't purchase an on trend shoulder bag, you would never fit all the essential items you need to carry in one anyway! Less shoulder more boulder bag is more like it!

Why bother leaving the house all glammed up with make up, hair styled 'just so' and nice clothes. It isn't long before you end up sporting one of the following al fresco looks anyway:

• Wind swept - less like you just stepped out of a salon and more like to just got dragged through a hedge backwards!
• Eau de sweaty pits and rouge cheeks- you start off on your excursion with a coat on and it's not long before you find it is warmer than you realised it was going to be and if you walk fast like me, you start to feel warm and wish you hadnt put so many layers on!
• Wet look Aka the drowned rat - you get caught in the rain! No umbrella and even if you had one you wouldn't be able to hold it! Soaked right through.
• Owwww! new shoes - don't bother going out with the buggy wearing heels or new shoes because you will either trip up the pavement or get blisters!

Don't kid yourself that you can be über organised and remember all those birthdays, dental and doctor appointments and deadlines for things. Baby brain muddles everything and causes short-term and long term memory loss and makes you appear confused even if you think you are efficient!

Why worry about keeping on top of the housework? A show home looks great and minimalistic, but who really has the time or the inclination when your home is taken over by little people and all their toys, books and clothes continually?

I accept that I am more slummy than yummy, and I am fine with this. 

Really, it is no problem.  

Honestly...... !!

Is there anything else I have missed off the list? Please add yours below.