Burton had his first induction at his new school today. It was one of three hourly sessions running over the next three weeks, before he starts there in September full time. I have been dreading him having to attend 'big school' for a while now, which I know is silly and irrational but it just makes me feel sad. I am pleased that he has been accepted into our first choice of school for him, which we discovered back in April.
However, since that Friday when I read the letter congratulating us on Burton being accepted into their school, instead of feeling jubilant about it I have just felt sad and close to tears a lot!!
I know that he is a bright boy. His pre school key worker has told me that she has no concerns about him settling into school from an academic sense. She also went onto say that he is great at socialising now with his peers and the staff at his pre school, and compared to when he first began Ladybirds 15 months ago, when he it was hard for people to comprehend what he was speaking and therefore he found it hard to make himself understood, he joins in a lot more with the other children now and has made some friends. This makes me proud and happy of course, as well as reassuring me that he is ready to make the transition from pre school to school.
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| the new school |
However, I am finding it hard, really hard to accept that he will be a school pupil in 3 months time and will no longer be at home with me for most of his week. I know he has to go to school and I know he has to grow up, and I have to let him go and gain some independance. But I just cannot help how I feel and for the past couple of weeks I feel like I could cry over it all! Today when I dropped Burton off, and he gave me a cuddle and told me he loved me, and gave me his biggest most beautiful smile, well I could have broken down then and there.
My little boy is growing up and far too quickly for my liking. I just cannot help but wonder where the hell the last almost 4 years have gone. I know he will still be my little boy once he starts school ,and I really do want him to learn and do well there and make new friends, but it will be other outside influences shaping his life now and I won't be his be all and end all anymore. Does this make sense? Probably not.
I cannot help but think what happened to that little baby boy I could just spend hours watching and feeling the most contentment I had ever felt. The most shattered too, but thats another story! Burton taught me what it was to feel real unconditional love, the most amazing feeling I had ever experienced. I used to love just watching him, while he lay beside me sleeping or seeing him breath and smelling him (love that newborn baby smell). I would cry just for being thankful for having such a perfect baby and was always so over whelmed with the love I felt and had for him my beautiful baby boy!! See, I am a silly emotional woman!!!
But I was the one who gave birth to him, fed him, attended to him at all hours of the day and night, lost hours of sleep over him, read him his first story, and kissed him to make him feel better and spent a long time rocking him to sleep and comforting him.
It seems hard to believe that those photos were taken almost 4 years ago now. I am so grateful that I have been able to be a full time SAHM and see Burton grow and pass through his mile stones to date first hand. Yes of course it hasn't all been plain sailing, and it has been a massive learning curve for me and my parenting skills and it has not been easy. I am by no means an expert Mummy or parent. I have done my best, most of the time. I probably could have done much better at handling certain situations and I could have shouted less or been a bit stricter over other things. But no one is perfect and we learn by our mistakes and experiences, don't we?
As I prepare to send my eldest boy off into the big wide world , I am proud of the way he has been brought up, and the boy he has become. It has not been all my doing, of course, but as I have spent the most time with him it is inevitable that I have made a big impact in the way he behaves and interacts with other people - oh dear poor boy !!
Two lovely ladies passed on some wise words to me this afternoon when I was feeling a bit sad while waiting to collect Burton from his induction. I love the first quote especially.
" Don't be sad about what he isn't anymore. Be excited about what he will become. You are taking the journey with him"
"You don't let them go, you just let them go to the next step. They always come home"
Stella
When I collected Burton he was happy to see me, and he had enjoyed a wonderful hour and seemed to have done a lot in such a short space of time. It is also good to discover that two boys from Ladybirds will be in his class, both of which are the only two children who have invited Burton to their birthday parties this year!. His teacher, whose name I cant recall now, seemed nice not that I had chance to say much to her as she was busy handing out name badges. I did tell Burton's daddy that he will enjoy coming to parents evning as she is young and very pretty lol!
There is nothing I can do to make time stop and make my boy stay as he is forever and be mine completely. Growing up happens - end of. However, as we approach this new and important mile stone in his young life, I hope it passes well and without any upset on his behalf. I really hope we won't have a repeat of when he started at pre school with weeks of him screaming for me not to leave him!! I hope it will only be me sobbing at the gates (without him seeing me of course) and screaming inside that time is passing by too bloody fast for my liking and I wish it would slow down already!!
This post was brought to you as part of Flashback Friday
Remember a flashback can be from any time whether it be yesterday, last week, last month, last year or yesteryear! It can be a flashback of your own, your children, your partner or your friends. And if you don't want to write a post, then just link up a photo with a date. If you don't have time to write a new post
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